The thing about depression that is so confusing is that it’s not like an emotion. It’s not an event that has happened, it isn’t like I can just tell you something happened and that’s why i’m feeling sadness. Majority of the time I don’t even know why I feel the way I feel. I just wake up and feel absolutely nothing. During these lows nothing seems real.

When I was a child I was absolutely convinced that I was a Barbie doll. Someone else was controlling me. There was a big figure over looking my life. I didn’t feel real. Even at that young of an age, I knew something was wrong.

Knowing what I know now, I was dissociating.

The thing that is even more confusing is that I also live with anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety covers up the depression and all I feel is constant worry. During these times I am feeling every single emotion, I am feeling every single thought. These two disorders are constantly fighting against one another and then I just sleep.

So much sleep.

………. I just found out that I also have ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder “traits”. A lot of things make sense now, l o l.